Happy Mother’s Day - Yes or No?

I have a wonderful mother. I am one of eleven children, seven boys and four girls. To my siblings and me, every day is Mother’s Day.

When my first child was born in Australia, my mother came from Canada to help my wife with the birth. When my second child was born, my mother flew from Canada to Australia again and spent a month assisting my wife.

My mother came to Australia to help us even though she had a few teenage children still living at home. She also had a handful of grandchildren to help look after, social commitments, and other stuff, yet she still travelled to be with my family in Australia and to help with the births.

Around the time of the births, I asked my wife, “Why don’t you get your mother to come?” She replied, “I don’t want my mother. She’ll stress me out and won’t be a good help. Your mother has had eleven children and many grandchildren.”

My mother’s next visit to Australia was a few years later. This time she only got to spend a few hours with my children. My now ex-wife insisted that my mother have contact supervision only.

Instead of seeing her grandchildren, my mother spent her time sitting in court with me for a five-day hearing.

The stress took its toll on her. On the fourth day, she fainted outside the courtroom and medics were called.

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When a dad is alienated from his children, it is often not only the dad who can’t see them but also his extended family. The children do not see their paternal grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins.

My children sadly do not get to see my ten siblings, their twenty-one first cousins, their 104-year-old grandfather, or their niece.

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While I appreciate the significance of Mothers’ Day, and how some people need an annual reminder to feel and express gratitude to their mother, the day is annoying to me. This is my weekend with my children. Like many dads who do get to see their children, I only have every second weekend. Mother’s Day overrides my weekend, and so the children are with their mother for the whole Sunday. If I had fifty per cent or more care, I’d not be bothered much by the loss of a day, but with so little time, one day means a lot.

I think it is important that children spend time with their mothers on Mother’s Day. But what about Father’s Day? How many Father’s Days did I go without seeing my children? How many thousands of dads would do anything to spend a few hours on Father’s Day with their kids? 

Truth be told, for the alienated father, any day he spends with his child/ren is Father’s Day.

If you are a mother, grandmother or partner to a father being alienated from his children, you know the pain he is going through. You are supporting him. I wish you good health, love, joy, and a very happy Mother’s Day.