How to Get Your Life Back

A couple of months after my breakup, I was a physical, emotional and mental wreck. I had lost too much weight from not eating properly. I lacked the motivation to exercise unless I felt angry, sad, and hurt. I’d toss around in bed for a few hours of unrestful sleep at night.

I was in and out of court trying to see my kids and dealing with domestic violence accusations. I stopped hanging out with friends on the weekends because I needed to use the time to write witness statements and affidavits. With all the stress and anxiety, I could not focus well and was on the verge of losing my job.

I did lots of yoga and meditation. I spent many hours lifting weights and running. I met a woman who was a great listener and whose smile made me forget my worries. All of this helped, but not enough. Everything I seemed to do felt like I was putting a dozen band aids on a large wound.

I knew I had to change something, or my life would only get worse.

I flew to Bali for a couple of weeks to attend a music, dance, and yoga festival. All around me were happy, friendly, and compassionate people. I attended a couple of yoga classes during the day and danced the nights away to live uplifting music. The festival workshops were therapeutic. In one session, I cried for an hour. In another session, I laughed for an hour.

After a week of yoga, dance, and eating healthy food, I spent three days climbing a volcano. When I stood at the top looking at the crater lake below, I imagined throwing all my pain, worries and suffering into it.

It was an epic trip. I got my self-esteem back on track and came home feeling refreshed and anew.

Sometimes, when your computer is frozen, you’ve got to turn it off and restart it. The same is with life. If you’ve gone through a nasty breakup, having court issues, anxiety challenges, and not seeing your kids, you are in a constant tornado of problems that keep freezing you up. You need to reset your system. You need to go away for a week or two and do something that will, on the one hand, relax you but also challenge you. You can lay on the beach or by the pool for a week, which may relax and recharge you; however, it won’t reset your system.

To reset your mental, physical and emotional systems, you want to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself in a position of newness, excitement, and challenge. You may need to do something you’ve never done before, like something you’ve dreamt of doing. You may need to do an activity you are already comfortable with but in a more profound, more meaningful and challenging way.

You may need a few resets. After my final family court hearing, which was possibly the most draining emotional experience in my life, I went to Nepal and hiked to Everest Base Camp. It was my way of resetting my system.

The longer you have been frozen and stagnating, the bigger the reset you will need. 

Part of what I do in Warrior Dad coaching is getting men to speed up their reset. What some guys take years to do, others can do in a few months with the extra support.

What is your reset plan? What have you done to get back on track?

(From the book 'Surviving The Ex From Hell.')