How Would You Fix the System?

Imagine the following. You’ve been given an opportunity to present in front of all the important people in your government. What you say is being broadcast on national television.

Your government has acknowledged that there is a serious problem of children growing up without their fathers. Before you speak, half a dozen professors will show their research highlighting the importance of fathers being more involved in their children's lives.

Several researchers are going to present their findings that will illustrate: a bias in the family court against fathers, an unfair child support system, the issue of false domestic violence allegations and how they play out in family law, and the lack of support available to fathers in comparison with the support available to mothers.

You are now given several minutes to present your solutions.

What will you say?

….

I posted the above article in over a dozen Facebook groups focused on dads/fathers’ rights, parental alienation and the like. I was expecting a good response. But after combing through the comments, here is what I found:

• 50% of comments were people just talking about the problems. I thought I made it clear in the article that the issues were already addressed to the audience.
• 35% were nonsense.
• 10% had a sliver of something useful to suggest.
• 5% suggested something perhaps reasonable and workable. Of these, most suggestions only targeted one small part of the issue.

I’d like you to think about this seriously. If amongst thousands of dads caught in this messed up system, only a handful can suggest anything somewhat of a reasonable solution towards fixing the system, then who has the answers? Who is going to fix the problems?

Not the politicians, the judges, the lawyers, the police, the contact supervision centres, the child protection services, the child support centres and so on. They do not have any issues with the system. They are earning well from it.

Not the exes keeping the children and benefiting from child support, higher financial settlements, government assistance, global empathy, sympathy and compassion. They’re not going to change anything.

So it’s really up to us!

It’s me, you and any other person willing to focus their minds on solutions. To get out of a victim mindset. To think differently. To move from cause,’ to ‘effect,’ and bring about change.  I know there are some brilliant minds in this group. I know there are creative and strategic thinkers here.

Years ago, when I first started on this journey of separating from ‘The Ex from Hell,’ I would post suggestions for fixing the system. I had been a coach/consultant. My superpower is solving problems. It’s what I helped individuals, companies, and organizations worldwide do.

What frustrated me in the early days is that whenever I posted an idea for a solution, people blasted me with their comments of why what I was suggesting would not work. Of course, they almost never proposed what would work. The best I got was 50% said to write to politicians, and the other 50% said we need to have demonstrations.

This was synonymous of any board meeting I’d sit on, where someone would suggest a solution, and everyone would attack it.

As humans, we are quick to say no to something we think won’t work, but we are too lazy to offer a counter-solution.

With tens of thousands of dads globally caught in this mess, there is some serious brain power and the capacity to solve problems.

Solutions are not always complicated. Someone may have a suggestion for the start of a solution. Instead of suggesting why it won’t work, can you add to how it may work?

If someone said, “Here are a few pieces of wood. These will make a nice house.” You can respond with, “You’re wasting your time. You can't build a house with a few pieces of wood.”

Instead, what if you said, “Great idea. I have some bricks. With your wood, my bricks and someone else’s windows, we can build a house.”

I want to encourage everyone in this group to start thinking differently. To think, collaboration, inclusion, and innovation.  

With the focused brain power in this and other groups, I believe we can change things.