Today I Cried

I don't usually cry when dads tell me their stories. I have heard so many that I’ve become a bit desensitised.

But today, I cried.

Today a dad told me, “I am completely broken. I’ve given up. I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.”

“So now what?” I asked.

Now, I’m going to move away,” said the dad. “I’m travelling thousands of kilometres away, and my kids can look for me when they are older.”

“I know how you feel,” I said. “I was there as and are many other dads. But are you really going to be at peace? Can you live with yourself knowing you have given up on your children?”

“I have not given up,” said the dad. “I will talk to them and see them when I can. I’m done with all the bullshi* court, the police, the hundred grand I’ve wasted on lawyers, and now I’m paying child support through the roof. I can’t take it anymore.

I listened to his story. It was the same old. He was dealing with an impossible ex who was actively alienating the children. He had multiple run-ins with the police and false domestic violence allegations. He lost everything in the court's financial settlement.  

“I know you got my book ‘Surviving the Ex from Hell,” I said. “Did you read it?”

“No,” he replied.

“Did you ever take a break in the last few years? Have you gone away to recharge?”

“No,” he said. “I have no money. I’ve lost everything in the financial settlement and pay child support.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “You’re a successful lawyer for goodness sake. You work full-time. You have solid friends. You’re smart. I don’t understand.”

He continued to share his story with me.

Here is what I’ve got to say, not to the dad, but to anyone reading this. I’ll give an out-of-character non-compassionate, slightly empathetic, 100% judgemental opinion.

The guy messed up on a lot of things. He made multiple mistakes. The system may be screwed up, and handed him a screw, but then he spent all his time, energy and money trying to bang in the screw with a hammer while everyone told him to get a screwdriver and screw the screw in.

I cried because I seriously felt sad for him and his children. From everything I could see, there were multiple things he could change and do better. But he was not going to.

It doesn’t need to be this way.

Yes, the system is stuffed. It is biased. It works against thousands of fathers. I know, I’ve been through it and still going. I've worked with over a hundred fathers going through the same rubbish.

But you can still level up and play it smart.

The people of Ukraine did not ask to be invaded by Russia. I can hardly imagine what the Ukrainians are going through. Some have run away, some are hiding, some are praying, and some are fighting back.

You didn’t ask to be in the situation you are caught in.

But there is a smart way and a stupid way to fight back. Running after a tank with only a stick in hand is stupid. Learning everything you can about tanks and how to take them out and then putting what you know into action, is smart.

The game is not balanced, the game is rigged against you. But you can still fight a good match. You don’t need to kick the ball into your own goal or throw it through your own hoop.

A few months after my ex disappeared with my children, I was dealing with the police, court and child support. I was a wreck. I lost too much weight. I wasn’t sleeping and my anxiety was through the roof.

Then I got my act together. I said, “I’m going to F@#% play this game. I’m going to play it smart and give it my best shot. I read every Family law book I could find, made friends with lawyers, studied the art of communicating with difficult people, got fit and healthy, started managing my finances more creatively, and levelled up big time.

You can do it too.

If you are dealing with an ex from hell, you have unwillingly been signed up for the Marines/Navy Seals/Commandos/SAS or any other bloody unit you can think of. And there is no backing out.

Show your ex what you are capable of. Become ten times the man you were before. Become stronger, smarter, and fitter. Work on your emotions. Become more loving, caring, compassionate and empathetic.

I am ten times the father today than I ever dreamed I would be. This is thanks to my ex from hell. Whenever my kids are with me, I ask “What would the greatest dad in the world do?”

Don’t wish and wait for your kids to come knocking on your door one day. It may not happen. Do what you need to do now and level up!

If you haven't already read the book, Surviving the Ex from Hell. It’s available HERE.

If you're serious about staying sane, knowing your truth and keeping your life on track, join the exclusive private warrior dad online community. HERE

I'm sorry to lay it down tough. Not all things in life go according to your plan. You've got a massive challenge that you didn't ask for. But you can deal with this. You just you got to do it smart.